I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
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