id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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