the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
