the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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