That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
