My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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