im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
