genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
