I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
