I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize