he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
