I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My hand turned me down
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
