She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
