That's intense
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
