There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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