Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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