I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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