Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
