Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize