Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
