We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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