I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
