Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize