My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
