they need to just BURY HIM!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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