I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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