i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
