I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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