Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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