Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
