my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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