I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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