I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
