Don't make out with my wife yet
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
