Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
