So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
