Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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