Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
