It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
