guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
