fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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