Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you had me at cake vodka
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
