I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Randomize
