Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
