dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
