We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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