And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
