Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
