so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
