I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
