wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have aggressive nipples.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
