Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
