I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
