mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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