is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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