I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
