So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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