go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
