got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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