her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
