you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
