3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
