in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
