I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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