I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize