I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Damn victory sex feels great
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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