So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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