dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
