Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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