Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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