Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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