Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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