Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize