If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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