Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
