No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
