oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have so many feelings about this burrito
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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