this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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