We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
