my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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