he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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