Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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